NPJ: /private/9702/

8:16 am - "Re:"

At 07:47 AM 2/19/97 -0700, you wrote:
>test

Works. :)

8:16 am - "Re: linux box"

At 07:54 AM 2/19/97 -0700, you wrote:
>Got msg that you aren't receiving email. Your linux box appears to be in
>the process of crashing. It is the home of npj.com.
>
>Feb 19 07:43:47 gaycafe kernel: EXT2-fs error (device 3/1):
>ext2_new_inode: Free
> inodes count corrupted in group 167 Feb 19 07:58:47 gaycafe kernel:
>EXT2-fs error (device 3/1): ext2_new_inode: Free
> inodes count corrupted in group 167
>
>I am now moving your mailhome (nathan@npj.com) over to apollo from the
>linux box.
>
>Pls reply to this message
>
>Regards,
>
>-- Aaron

Thank you, Aaron. =)

8:16 am - "Re: Your service"

Nathan Johansen wrote:
>
> Hi Ken,
>
> Thank you for your $50.00 One Year membership. I am concerned, however,
> because I think that I haven't been clear in pointing out how you can take
> full advantage of the photos that are available here.
> etc.

Nathan:
Thank you for your most thoughtful and pleasant response. I was
surprised and delighted to even receive a reply; it has been my
experience that one doesn't get a response at all (that is based on an N
of 2 times in the past 2 years when I have complained about poor
service on the Web.

I think I will like your service. You have the best library of fiction
on the WWW. However, the photos I was able to see (page one) were the
usual California buffed defined muscles (with 2 or 3 exceptions) that
can be found anywhere. Gay erotic photos in the US (and sadly rapidly
becoming the same in Europe) seem to be of the same category as that of
the unrealistic "airbrushed" female models in straight publications such
as in Play-boy magazine. An ideal is being held out to us which few of
us ever encounter in life. All human males are not buffed from exercise,
steroids, and high protein diets. An exception to this is the increase
of interest in "Bears", those older guys who develop those large
pre-stroke and pre myocardial infarct bellies who have much hair.

I really believe that I am not the only gay male who appreciates guys
who are "average" to skinny who have not had penile surgery at birth.
One of the most erotic (to me) photos I have ever seen was a skinny
smooth late-forties guy with an uncut erection. I realise that there are
not many of us mature guys that still do not have enlarged bellies;
perhaps that is why it was so erotic to me. The thin models are usually
younger and thus that is what those like me are left with (nothing wrong
with that though). However, when I travel in other countries I do see
guys that are not plump to overweight. It seems to be a North American
phenomenon, but also to some extent in southern Europe; Australians are
also much like North American males.---our over-abundance of food--?

While I have your ear, I also found trouble getting my name and password
accepted; after putting the same in 4 times it was finally accepted?
Also, download is a bit slow and I suspect that as you grow more
popular, that will get worse?

Anyway, thanks for your response. I was indeed impressed by your story.
If more of us had the courage and forthrightness as you apparently
possess perhaps our "cause" would be heard. With your skills I believe
that you will be quite successful in any endeavor. I do hope that you
will take full advantage of your writing talents and perhaps become the
Chris Isherwood of this generation.

Thanks,

Ken

Hadrian,

Can you suggest some photos that may fit his fancy? Thank you.

11:32 am - "Re: checking account"

At 01:20 PM 2/19/97 -0500, you wrote:
>do not have credit card yet but i wwant to use my checking account, is it
>possible/
> thanks
>
> franky

Franky,

Yes, you can send a check, money order, or US currency instead of using a credit card. Please use the form below. Thanks,

Nathan

11:58 am - "Re: Are you getting mail?"

At 08:33 AM 2/19/97 -0700, you wrote:
> Hi Nathan,
>
> You probably already have a rash of messages from Aaron and John this
>morning about your email. Linux sendmail (or smail?) is having new
>problems, which flushed this all out. Aaron has made some dns changes-
>they could take a few days to propagate- to send @npj.com mail to you on
>apollo.
>
> Sorry I was late calling attention to this. Somehow I had assumed you
>and Aaron were already working on it, but in the middle of the night I
>had second thoughts. <g>
>
> So, you have been missing all the email from gaycafe.com for awhile? I
>hope you are receiving it now.
>
> Best,
>
> Ann

E-mail seems to work great this morning.

3:45 pm- "Re: got lost...Where are the celebrity Photos again?"

At 03:01 PM 2/19/97 -0500, you wrote:
>
>ww

http://www.gaycafe.com/photos/celebs/index.html

3:45 pm - "Re: linux box"

At 01:15 PM 2/19/97 -0700, you wrote:
>Nathan,
>
>We're now done with the linux box. I'll go ahead and take it down and
>restart it. You can probably pick it up in the next few days, tho I'd be
>happy to install a copy of NT or win95 & you can use it as a home machine.
>Or even a new version of linux with X.
>
>Let me know what you'd like to do. I might also like to buy some of its
>memory from you.
>
>Regards,
>
>-- Aaron

Okay, thanks. I think I would prefer to have it as a Win95 box, and I'd be happy to part with some of the RAM.

I think I'll let Hadrian have it so that he can scan more photos faster. :)

Nathan

4:09 pm - "Always, Forever."

At 11:53 PM 2/18/97 -0800, you wrote:
>>At 09:19 AM 2/18/97 -0700, you wrote:
>>Shawn,
>>
>>I trust that you have returned to Los Angeles from where ever it was that
>>your interview was being conducted.
>
>You win Nathan. I am going to a Kinkos right now. ( I just got off the
>plane, and surprise. I get a very welcoming letter from you!! Thank you..Hey
>Bro. Hello to you too.. Maybe its me, but, I do not like to be talked to
>like a 'bitch' I am not one, and I do not like to be treated like one!! it
>could just be me thou. :-)
>
>>I will ask a final time that you please take a moment to FAX (303-727-6062)
>>a magnified, easy to read, photo ID card of yourself. If I don't see this
>>before tomorrow morning, then I will deactivate the posts for sending aid to
>>Christian since I have not been able to verify that either one of you exist
>>(sorry).
>
>That is fine Nathan. You do whatever you feel is appropriate. I am and will
>be sending the USC ID CARD... THAT WILL BE CLEAR AND EASY TO READ AND IN
>COLOR. YOU WILL SEE THAT I DO PLAY A SPORT. ( THERE WILL BE MY ATHLETIC
>STICK ON IT, SINCE ACCORDING TO YOU, I DO NOT) AND MY FACE AND MY NAME!!!
>
>>If I turn out to be wrong, then accept my apology for being so insistent
>>about this, but I'm not going to dig myself into another hole by being too
>>generous and evading the evidence that constitutes the facts of my life.
>
>On a lighter note bro. I would like to thank you for everything that you
>have done. Thank you very much. I am sorry if you feel as though helping
>someone is a burden to you. Or that you would need something in return..
>such as it is.
>
>>Someone has been calling my home and cellular phone often and hanging up in
>>the past three days. If this is you, I wish that you would simply say
>>"Hello," instead. No sense in paying for a phone call if both parties only
>>listen and no one speaks.
>
>Come on Nathan. THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD SPEND MY FREE TIME CALLING YOUR
>MACHINE AND HANGING UP ON IT. YOU CAN BELIEVE THIS OR NOT. BUT I DO HAVE
>BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH MY FREE TIME...I DO NOT PLAY THOSE KIND OF GAMES.
>
>last point before I leave this. Again thank you for everything. Yes, I have
>and will take offense to what you have said and done. but, I will not keep
>it with me forever because I did love you more than life bud. but, I guess
>also I am not the right person for you. This is what I feel and this is what
>I know. I really hope that you find the right person for you. I did love
>you. I do mean that. I did feel comfortable with you for as long as it
>lasted bud. But, to finish. I would like to set the record straight. My full
>name is Shawn Kimble Christian. And yes bud. I am the one with AIDS. or HIV+
>.(BY THE WAY, THIS IS WHY I AM NOT ON THE TEAM PICTURE THIS YEAR). Sorry.. I
>should have just told you. but.. I did not feel that I have to. But, this is
>how you chose to find out. I did not choose to tell you like this because I
>am not comfortable with it myself. I did try and hang on to you until I felt
>comfortable with it myself and I was just comfortable myself. And.. yes.. I
>do have a, well I should say did have a boyfriend, till I choose to want to
>be with you. but.. I don't think either one of us handled things well at
>all. But.. you got what you wanted..
>
>I will be ok.. I will also find a way to work out things in my life. I am
>not the freak bud, that you try and make me out to be. I wanted to deal with
>this my way. I wanted to tell people in my own way. :) Gee man.. I would not
>call some guy and just hang up on their machine, even if i hated them. I am
>a good looking dude. I know this. I got this from a rape a long time ago
>when I was in Orangewood Childrens Home. But none of that matter now. I know
>you feel as though I was hideing something from you. This is not or was not
>the case. I just wanted to deal with things in my own way..NOT YOURS.. I
>don't lie to hurt people. I tell the truth. But. I do not tell or want to
>tell people things that they do not need to know.
>
>I want you bro. to take care of yourself man. Find a cool dude who wants
>you, for you. Nothing more. Make sure he loves your inside. Not what you
>look like on the outside. My mom always said that I will get old, and no
>matter how I want to keep my looks, they will go away. So I have choosen to
>have that kind of friends and lovers. By the way, the African American in
>the picture was Elliot. A friend of mine. A good and real friend of mine.
>Sorry, he could not meet you.
>
>Well.. now you know why I was evasive. AND AS YOU SAY A LIAR.:) BELIEVE IT
>OR NOT but I have never been called a liar before. but.. I guess. i can see
>where you were coming from.. But.. oh well.. that is water under the bridge
>bro.
>
>You will get my ID as soon as I get off this machine and get to the Store. I
>also am going to the Gym. I PROMISE THAT I WILL PAY YOU BACK YOUR MONEY.Also
>please Mail, back the picture i sent you. Snail mail is fine.
>
>>Nathan
>
>Take Care of yourself.
>
>Shawn
>
>Please man, you do not need to reply to this. Let just let things go. i will
>always love you man thou. that was never a game. It was real.

That's my theme for today. :)

Thank you for sending the ID card. I knew that you would come through with what I asked for, and I couldn't be happier. You should know that for the past three weeks, I've had to be firm about putting to rest the questions I had about you, and now that you have given me the answers, I can stop asking questions.

I know that I demanded a lot out of you that you weren't ready to tell me. At least now I know ... and I stand by the promise that I made to you on the balcony of my room at the Century Plaza the afternoon you called ... I don't care if you are the one with AIDS and a huge tuition bill -- it was *YOU* that I wanted to help, and no one else -- you that I care about and was in love with, Shawn. I suppose you may understand why I was so questioning about the other person that you were telling me about, and I should have just been intelligent enough to make the connection then and keep being a friend you could talk to every day instead of insisting that you come out and tell me everything all at once.

You are the one thing in my life that I want to hold on to and know was real -- so many times I've been cheated of that in the past, and I couldn't convince myself that this time would be any different; except I felt that this time I was right, even though I've had a half dozen people pointing their fingers at me -- almost scolding me -- for doing *ANY* of the things that I've done for you. It is in my nature to do good things, and I prove that every day ... I'll publish all of my personal correspondence in the last two years on my web site some day, and then the world will be able to read every word, and see how authentic I am ... I still think I may be back in LA the first week of March, but I know that I'm going to Manhattan in the third week of March, and then to Germany again in early April. You're still invited to go to Andy's with me for the Fourth of July.

I don't want to let you go ... but if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever; if it doesn't, then it never was. "Happiness is like a butterfly. If you chase it, you will not catch it. If you turn your mind to other things, it comes and sits gently on your shoulder."

I'm going back to work. Come and share your life with me again. :)

Love,

Nathan

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Last updated: 11:37 MST 2/28/97
Nathan Johansen - nathan@npj.com